Reflections From The Front Porch
Going to the Chapel
Written by Darrell Anderson.
Although still thin and in reasonable shape, officially I am middle-aged, over the hill, but I am not attached to a woman. Considering the cultural trends of the past several decades, that is nothing unusual as such. Sure, I would enjoy finding a good woman to share the remainder of my life. I’m not looking for activities partner because I’m bored, nor am I looking for a baby-sitter to take care of me, a maid, or a chief cook and bottle washer. Yet, a companion, snuggle-mate, and kindred liberty-minded spirit always is nice.
Why am I unattached? No singular reason, although other than a couple of times while building my house, I haven’t been in a laundromat in 30 years. The grocery store freezer section provides some occasional excitement but has basically proven futile. I stopped bar-hopping many years ago because physically I can’t tolerate the smoke. Those reasons probably have reduced the odds a wee bit, but despite having had my shots, not scratching in public, being house broken, trainable, and available for adoption, I can think of several other reasons for how or why I have reduced my eligibility.
Women are from Venus and men are from Mars — and I have no urge to spend the rest of my life changing that! That simple difference means men and women provide each other balance. Yet, certain women within the “gender” feminist movement somehow think men and women are not different. I have no objections against a woman who truly can think freely — I enjoy intellectual company. I’d enjoy being connected with a free thinker. Sadly, as with many movements, many “gender” feminists are groupies rather than free thinkers. Not all, of course, but many. I also don’t care for the militancy of “gender” feminists and many “gender” feminists choose to use the philosophy of statism as their avenue for instituting change. Statists use uninvited coercion and are my enemy. I prefer persuasion and cooperation, not force, coercion, and the threat of violence. Thus, with many women embracing a militant freedom (now there is an oxymoron for you), I disqualify myself from a significant number of women.
I also see nothing wrong with being a little romantic and wishing to meet a woman who never has married so that we both “start from scratch.” As I aged I noticed many women my age were divorced and carried a lot of emotional “baggage.” Yes, there are stable and level-headed divorced women out there and I am not eliminating possibilities. I’ve since changed my mind about this criterion. Yet, I think subconsciously clinging for many years to the idea of attaching to a woman who never married likely played a part in affecting my eligibility.
I also reduced my odds because I have no intention of attaching to a materialistic woman and there are many of those floating around. I have strived through the years to live debt free. A debt free life is a life of liberty. Why are so many contemporary women obsessed with things? I built my home with my own two hands, investing a lot of sweat equity into that part of my life. I cleared the first tree and pounded the last nail. My home is comfortably furnished and I enjoy creature comforts just like any other human, but I am not an individual who is into owning things just for the sake of owning things or to impress others. I believe that the more I possess the more those things tend to possess me. Possessions require maintenance and care. I do not live like a pauper or miser, I just prefer to keep life simple. Keeping up with the Joneses is not my way of enjoying life. I will not be a prisoner of things, debt, lifelong mortgages, or nine-to-five. I believe I have something to offer a woman, but I cannot give what I do not have; and one thing I do not have is a desire to be imprisoned by things. Did somebody once say something like “possession isn’t nine-tenths of the law but nine-tenths of the problem”? Sigh, reduce that number of available women down a few more notches.
Occasionally a woman will be attracted to me because she sees in me a conviction to live what I believe. However, many women do not initially realize my resolve. Also, my philosophy can be misleading because I believe in basic and simple principles to regulate human interaction and many people therefore conclude I am a “religious person.” Yes, many religions are based upon some simple observations about human nature. Yet, my own beliefs are unorthodox and I reject most modern churchianity and religious teachings. However, when discussions turn to those topics and a woman discovers I have rejected the foundations for many common teachings, we part ways. Somehow I magically turn into a heretical monster. Again, reduce the number of available women who might be interested in me long-term.
I can think of a few more nails for my arguably self-imposed coffin of bachelorhood. Several years ago, I began rejecting commonly accepted statist thinking. Thus, although I would not mind being connected with a good liberty-minded lady, I seem to have run into another roadblock: I refuse to ask statists for permission to connect. That is, I refuse to apply for a marriage license.
In fact, I am not so sure I still believe in the general concept of marriage, especially in today’s highly litigious world. If two people cannot trust each other without a piece of paper, how does that paper change anything? If people can divorce despite that piece of paper, simply by creating a second piece of paper, then why not live without the papers and save the expense of litigation and just go your separate ways?
I have yet to find a woman who embraces my refusal to ask the statists to marry or who is willing to commit to a relationship without a paper trail. I’m sure some exist, I just haven’t met any. I have found a handful of women who understand the essential argument, but they will not concur or embrace the position. They somehow believe that my refusal to apply for permission to do that which is my natural right is somehow a way for me to later escape and dump the woman. For some reason many women believe that not having that permission slip is a way for me to nullify or walk out of the relationship. That somehow, without an illusionary politically-approved piece of paper, the relationship is “legally” null and void. Yet, somehow men and women have been getting along fine for thousands of years without such nonsense. I am not necessarily against marriage as a social concept, I’m merely against the idea of inviting politicians and bureaucrats to become a third-party to any such relationship.
That is not all. If I found a woman who convinced me to help conceive children, I refuse to convert those children into chattel property by seeking statist account numbers. I will not enumerate any children I help bring into this world. I cannot stop any child from making such a decision on his or her own, but I will not ensnare a child by my own effort.
Nor do I have any intention of informing the statists that I am raising children by seeking birth “certificates.” Pray tell, why do I need to “certify” that the child I hold in my arms was born?
Nor would I ever send those children to be brainwashed within the statist school systems.
Nor do I plan to “retire” collecting a socialist security check — directly plundering those who are working.
Thus, you get the picture. Mathematically the numbers indicate there is a match out there for me, but certainly those numbers are small.
Yet, even if overcoming those objections, there remains one more reason that might explain no significant other. Many women tend to avoid men who live their lives with conviction because by nature, women are creatures seeking security. This is the nature of a woman and nothing to be ashamed of. By nature women are nest keepers and anything that might threaten that environment is something most women avoid. Thus, men who live with conviction and reject political concepts such as statism, and support ideologies such as anarchism, are frightening to most women because a woman sees such men as being unable to provide the security she seeks. Women see the power of the political tyrant as something to be reckoned with seriously, and rejecting statism or embracing anarchy is seen as a direct confrontation with the powers-that-be who could threaten her security.
Many men do not understand this straightforward characteristic of women. They then remain confused why they cannot find a suitable partner, or if they do, remain confused about why they have to compromise their beliefs. Yet, there need be no mystery at all. The true challenge is finding a way to gracefully provide a woman the information she needs to see and understand the flaws of statism and the realistic sensibility of anarchism. Education is a long road to endure. For a handful of people, rejecting the tenets of statism and embracing anarchism is as easy as snapping fingers, but for the majority, is a difficult challenge.
And so the road continues. Nobody ever declared that a life of liberty was easy. History teaches that most free thinking people have suffered greatly at the hands of the general mob. Step out of the box if you dare, but be prepared for the potential response. Why should I be an exception?
I recall warning a good man who wanted to seek a life of liberty and follow my footsteps in peeling away the years of brainwashing and falsehoods. I warned him of the risks and consequences. I warned him that life would be much easier if he kept his head in the sand. Ignorance is bliss. I warned him that once he started that journey he could not turn back without calling himself a hypocrite. I warned him that if he chose to follow my footsteps in his own journey that he would tremendously reduce his chances of finding a snuggable partner.
Although a bright, warm, and wonderful man, a man who would be an excellent partner and father, to this day he remains unattached. Once, during a conversation and contemplating his thus far unsuccessful search, he shared with me many of the same thoughts I have just shared with you. He wondered where the good women had all gone, women who wanted to be free, think free, and to truly enjoy life, and weren’t obsessed with things. I reminded him of my previous warnings. He looked at me and said nothing, but his eyes said all I needed to hear, “The life of liberty can be a lonely road.”
You can’t un-ring the bell.
Next: The Deer